Why won't he kiss me?
by CassieVulcanStarFleetCommand
Summary: Kirk contemplates what he's been feeling for commander Spock since they first met at the Acadamy, and tries to get an emotional response. Spirk pairing. Spoilers for anyone who hasn't seen the movie.


**A random Kirk and Spock (Spirk) one-shot, cause there's just not enough out there for us crazy fan-girls ;)  
Disclaimer - I do not own the Star Trek franchise, nor do I own Jim Kirk or Mr Spock.**

**There a very few lines I have taken directly from the movie, but I am pretty positive the ones I have will not be perfectly accurate.**

**If you are totally against slash pairings I would suggest that you NOT read this. Plus there are major spoilers in here chickadees. Hope ya watched the movie.**

Captain James T. Kirk was an intelligent man, despite what his first officer might tell you. He was quick on his feet, always coming up with flawless plans that saved him the life of his crew, and his own life time and time again. He liked to read, _actual_books too, not just the stuff you could read on the screen of a PADD. He was top of all his classes while he was in the academy, getting straight A's with so little effort on his part. It was just in his blood. Jim Kirk was an intelligent guy.

Not only that but Jim was handsome. No that wasn't the right word. Jim was _desirable, _and he most certainly knew it. He saw the stares he received from both women and men. He noticed the blushes he got when he grinned in just _that _way, and he noticed the fluttering eyelashes, goofy grins, whimsicalsighs as his admirers day dreamed. It was obvious.

And annoying. When he wasn't getting the reactions from the right person.

It had started the day they met. Jim had been speeding through the star fleet academy. His time there was known as the best of his life (until he became captain of the enterprise) and because it was the best of his life it shot by like a speeding bullet, and the next thing he knew, he was taking the kobayashi maru... and failing for the first time in his life.

It had taken a lot of thinking, and a lot of persuading to get his friend who could hack into any computer easily to hack into the testing system. Once that was done he rearranged it, because there was no such thing as a no-win scenario.

Of course his plan had worked, he had passed the test, congratulated by many star fleet officers, and envious cadets that wished they had thought of his plan first. When it all went downhill, and he was called in for a court martial.

Anger unlike any other over took Jim as he was being lectured for saving (hypothetically) many innocent lives. It was an anger so strong that he wanted nothing more at that point than to just find the one who created the damn kobayashi maru and beat the living crap out of them. Which is why when finally haven gotten the chance to speak, Jim snapped.

"I believe I have the right to see the face of my accuser." He practically growled, sick of the commander before him doing the dirty work for someone he couldn't see. He heard someone get to their feet behind him, and turned wondering if someone had gotten the guts to just leave the court out of boredom when his gaze met chocolate brown eyes, and something in his mind stuttered.

"This is Commander Spock. He is one of our most significant graduates."

Jim was overwhelmed. He had always had a slight attraction to men (anything that was hot enough for him to cool) but this, _this _man was unbelievable. Perhaps it was because he wasn't a man, Jim noted as his eyes traced the slanted eyebrows and pointed ears. There was even a green hue to his skin. Green blooded most likely. A Vulcan, of course, that was exactly what commander Spock was.

Commander Spock stepped forward, meeting his gaze the entire way, and Jim couldn't help but allow his eyes to take all of this Vulcan in. He noted the stiff posture, hands clasped behind the back, the lean form, hidden muscles only slightly giving away the prospect of great strength, perfect facial features, smooth and void of all emotion. And then those eyes, dark as chocolate, all emotion hidden behind a thick sheen of blankness. It was like trying to find his soul through a brick wall.

It took a minute for Jim to realize then that the commander had been speaking. Insulting him, and the anger boiled again. Jim wasn't Vulcan, therefore he could not argue his case in the same calm dignified manner of the commander. Therefore he allowed his anger to control him, and sent out every word to defend him, and hurt Commander Spock. Not that the commander would show it.

It was a pure stroke of luck that Vulcan sent out a distress signal. Jim got out of there, and Bones got him onto the Enterprise (illegally of course). He hoped to never have to see that pointy eared bastard again. Or... so he thought.

For when Jim finally boarded the ship, disoriented with the symptoms he was receiving from the vaccination, and he heard Bone's mutter "It's that damn pointy eared bastard," he wanted to protest, and head in the commander's direction, not be steered away.

Unfortunately Jim didn't have the choice. Bones escorted him to the sick bay, tried to take care of him as best as he could, and that was that. Jim didn't expect to see Spock again. Really what were his chances of finding him on a ship of nearly 800 people? And then he'd have a lot of questions to answer, not to mention an angry Vulcan on his hands. There was no chance. But then again... Jim never did believe in no-win situations.

After using the intelligence that I'm telling you _he has_, he figured out everything he knew the captain wouldn't. This earned him his place on the bridge, no matter how little he deserved it. There, he found Spock again. Seriously why does he keep popping up anyway?

Logic, that was all the Vulcan cared about. Well, Jim could be logical. He proved that to Spock by debating with not only him, but also Captain Pike. He knew his facts were solid, he knew he was _right_. And not even Spock could deny it.

"The cadet's logic is sound." Amazing how those words, mixed with the slightly impressed look upon the commander's face could make all logic leave him in a second. Strange... but not unwelcome as long as the logic he did manage to speak would save the ship. And that little bit of emotion (impressed is an emotion technically) that showed on Spock's face made Jim vow to understand the Vulcan better.

So Jim analyzed him. Every look, every movement, every word had to have a secret meaning that would lead to the commander's thoughts. He noticed little emotions, frustration, exasperation, determination, nothing unusual in a Vulcan. But he also noticed annoyance, and at times anger, these usually being directed at him. It was silly, but Jim really believed that this man hated him. Fascinating.

Jim watched as Spock took command of the ship, firing orders so easily and naturally, not a single emotion showing on his face. He watched as Spock made a desperate attempt, risking his own life, to save his parents (Spock might have said it was to save his culture, but Jim knew him better by now). He watched, first hand as Spock returned from the crumbling Vulcan planet, his arm outstretched, his face one of shock... and pain. The look broke Jim's heart to the point where he actually considered talking to the man, in comfort.

For a while after that, there was hardly a single emotion that Jim even had the time to notice. Everything was spinning out of control as the crew got more and more desperate to save earth. The events that happened were straining, and hard, not to mention Jim couldn't even see Spock for the better part of two days while he was trapped on Delta Vega.

The only emotion Jim really noticed, not by choice, was anger. And really he would have had to been blind not to see it seeing that he had provoked the Vulcan, and then nearly died because of it.

Even while on the narada going through with the plan to save earth Jim was too occupied, too distracted by everything he had to do to save the earth. Sure there was a part of him that noted the grace in which Spock fought, and the ever present anger at the one that killed his mother. But Jim had to stay focused, so he did.

They did it of course. They saved the earth, and returned to the enterprise with Captain Pike in tow. Everything was well as the narada was torn apart, into the black hole, and Scotty being the brilliant engineer that he was, saved all of their necks, and got them out of there faster than anyone else could have. Just in the nick of time.

They went through all of that together... and yet still Jim was frustrated. He never avoided the obvious, and it certainly was obvious to him that he had an attraction to this man.

But that's not what was frustrating him.

Just a week or so after he was promoted to full time captain of the enterprise, and Spock applied for the position of his first officer (which he gladly accepted without hesitation) Spock terminated his relationship with Lieutenant Uhurha. "It was logical," he had stated when Jim questioned him over a game of chess, "She was seeking too much from me. Emotions that I have, but could not give away to her."

"Everything you do is logical Mr Spock." Jim sighed rolling his eyes as he moved a pawn on the 3d chess board. "But even logic like that has a reason. You were content with Uhurha, even if she was feeling more than you. Why not wait until you were absolutely sure there was no other alternative for you?"

"There are always alternatives Captain." Spock replied, and Jim could have sworn he saw a glint within the depths of those chocolate eyes.

And so his analyzation picked up at full power once again. Spock had become his close friend in a mere week. It was just so effortless to chat randomly and laugh. And although the Vulcan did not laugh outright he certainly laughed with his eyes, and with the twitch of his lips.

Still, that was not frustrating... well not as much as what was really bothering Jim. Spock's statement, "There are always alternatives" had caught him off guard. Now it seemed that on the bridge, he could feel the Vulcan's gaze on the back of his head. Could feel the heat of him behind him often as the commander had the habit to leave his station and stand directly behind his captain whenever he had an opinion to voice, or an idea he wished to share. Needless to say this happened a lot.

Jim would turn in his chair often, being the good captain and checking to see how his crew was working, which would always result in one of two possibilities. The first, and the least embarrassing, was when he would turn to meet the gaze of Spock who had obviously been staring. Spock would then turn his head back to his station, the tips of his ears going a slight green.

The second would be that Jim would turn and receive a faceful of Spock's stomach as the Vulcan had once again snuck up to stand directly behind the Captain once again. It was usually at these moments that Jim would turn red, cough and push back from Spock as quickly as he could.

Even more frustrating than that was Spock's reactions when Jim managed to find the guts to flirt with him.

"Mr Spock, status report if you please?" Jim would request, moving forward to stand directly behind his commander, as Spock often did to him. Not noticing at first Spock would turn, his nose inches away from Jim's waist, and go completely green, his gaze shooting upwards automatically to meet his captain's gaze, who would grin, but not move farther away.

"All... all decks functioning properly. We should reach our destination in 43.6 hours." Spock would say, his voice wavering only slightly. The rest of the crew would roll their eyes, besides Uhurha who would usually force herself to tune out completely.

"Mmm," Jim would murmur to himself. "How do the computers look?"

Spock, glad at the chance to turn away, would hastily turn in his seat, pressing a few buttons to bring up all the computing systems of the ship. "All of them seem functioning captain, unless you would like to check them over for yourself."

Seizing the opportunity happily Jim would lean forward resting his hands on the counter on either side of Spock's station, his stomach and Spock's back were only separated by the back of Spock's chair. Spock's breath would hitch, his fingertips would shake as he pressed a few more buttons, and Jim would lean even closer so that when he said "All looks well, Mr Spock." It was practically a whisper in the Vulcan's sensitive ears.

As Jim turned to head back to his chair he always made sure to clasp Spock's shoulder tightly in a sign of friendship, and then loosening his grip into a practical caress as he let go. The tips of Spock's ears remained green for the remainder of the shift every time Jim did that. And there were several times on those days when Jim would turn in his chair to speak with his first officer, only to find him staring blankly at his screen, the green flush darker than what it had been the moment before.

After a few weeks of doing that Jim had to stop. For one, it was very irresponsible for him to make his commander distracted when there was a chance that they could be attacked at any given moment. Also, even on the days when Spock was practically trembling with how hard he was trying to control his emotions, by the time the two were alone together playing chess, Spock had become so emotionless that Jim couldn't get even a slight twitch of the lips from him. That irked him.

So Jim stopped flirting on the bridge. Instead he did something brash, and moved their nightly games of chess from the Rec Rooms, to his personal quarters. His excuse being the more comfortable setting, and the peace and quiet. Spock had hesitated, but agreed in the end.

They had their usual meaningless conversation at first, Spock being much more relaxed after having a day where the Captain had not been pressed up against him in a most... illogical way. They laughed a bit about Spock and Bones' debate on Vulcan logic that had taken place that morning, and spoke of their mission, and their families.

It wasn't until their third game began when Jim decided to test his waters once again.

"Your logic certainly isn't helping you win a game against me." He teased moving his rook to take one of Spock's knights.

Spock's brow furrowed. "You are not making the correct logical moves."

"I don't see much fun in logic. It restrains the things that I really want to say. For example, I haven't yet had the chance to tell you that that shade of green you turn when your embarrassed is one of my favorite colors."

Spock's eyes snapped from the game up to meet Jim's own eyes, his face turning that said green color. "Distracting me, captain, really is illogical as you are already winning."

Jim grinned, lounging back in his chair. "I like to make sure my odds are much greater than my opponents. It's kind of a I always get what I want thing."

"Indeed." Spock muttered focusing his gaze back on the game. For awhile there was only silence, Spock's eyes flickering to his Captain's face every now and again in a way that made Jim smile, secretly overjoyed. Finally Spock seemed to decide to speak his mind, because still looking at the board he stated, "I find your statement inaccurate Captain."

"What statement Spock?" Jim asked, not bothering to look down at the chess board as he moved his knight to the second level.

"You say that you always get what you want, and yet I believe it is safe to say that though you have tried there are still a few things you have not yet acquired." Spock's eyes were still focused on the game as he moved his rook to capture Jim's knight.

Distracted slightly, Jim forgot about hs strategy and moved his rook to stand before Spock's King. "Check. What haven't I acquired Spock?"

Spock clasped his hands together on top of the table as he eyes the chess board. "You have not yet acquired the full respect you seek from every superior officer in starfleet, though you have over 90% of it. You have also not yet managed to win in an argument with me which I know you so greatly desire."

Jim chuckled. "I will win against you some day, and 90% is pretty good, but I'm sick of them doubting me because of how young I am. You know that."

"There is one other thing you have not yet fully acquired, no matter how much you wish."

"Enlighten me."

Spock's eyes finally flickered away from the chess board and up to meet Jim's amused gaze. "You have not yet fully acquired me." Shocked, Jim practically fell out his chair, his cheeks flaming under the skin. Spock's lips twitched in amusement as he moved his final chess piece. "I believe that would be check mate Captain."

"H-How...?" Jim stuttered, trying to regain all of his logic that had just flown out the window.

"It is simple Captain. I have merely trapped your King in all ways-"

"Not the game Spock. How...," Jim paused thinking over his question. "What did you mean by not yet fully acquire you?"

Spock's eyes glinted, and suddenly he was leaning forward, pushing the chess board aside. Jim's heart quickened. "I believe that you already know the answer to that Captain." He started to lean back but Jim shot his hand out, grasping onto Spock's wrist.

"Don't toy with me Spock."

Something in Spock's eyes showed a struggle. A struggle unknown to Jim. Finally Spock pulled back. "I only meant that over the coarse of our friendship you have grabbed onto my shoulder often. Vulcan's are touch telepaths Captain. I have known for sometime now."

Disappointment, and confusion settled in over Jim. It had seemed for a moment, for one amazing moment, that Spock was going to kiss him. That Spock had been flirting with him. Now it seemed like Spock was rejecting him. That Spock was silently saying I praise your friendship, but nothing more.

So it was on that note that the two departed. Spock heading back to his own quarters for meditation as Vulcan's needed a great deal amount less sleep than Terrans. Jim couldn't sleep though. He was trying to figure everything out with no luck, and when he finally did drift off his only thought was, _why won't he kiss me?_

Weeks went by, similar situations arose where Jim and Spock were in a way 'flirting'. Twice Jim felt as if they were close to kissing, embracing. And somehow Spock managed to weasel out of his grasp every time. It was starting to get fairly frustrating. In fact it got so frustrating, that Jim vowed that one night, one night he would get to Spock. After all he always got what he wanted.

Jim had it all planned, that night when Spock came to his quarters for their chess game, he would say nothing, just kiss him. Judge his reaction. But he was fairly confident that Spock would respond. That night was going to be _the_ night.

So it was unfortunate that Spock decided that that was the night he did not wish to play chess.

Outraged, and even more frustrated than before Jim stomped his way over to Spock's quarters and rang the bell. When no one answered he pressed the button in and held it there. Spock's sensitive hearing certainly would be effected by the never ending _riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing_.

And sure enough a few moments later Spock's door slid open, and Jim immediately stepped inside, ignoring the whoosh of heat the washed over him as he did. "Spock?"

"Captain... you shouldn't be here." Spock's voice came from the corner of the dark room. It seemed that Spock had decided to turn all of the lights off, leaving only a few lit candles for light.

"Were you meditating?"

"Indeed I was." Spock paused for a minute. "Why are you here Captain, I had told you that I did not wish-"

"Yeah, well I'm not really interested in playing Chess right now either."

Another pause, and then ruffling sounds as Spock stood. "Lights." Finally the room came into view, though Jim had to blink a few times to be able to see again. "What is you want Captain?"

Jim stepped forward, eyeing Spock. "A few weeks ago you told me something." Spock raised an eyebrow, but said nothing as his Captain stepped closer, his eyes taking in the traditional Vulcan robes he was wearing. "You said that I hadn't acquired everything that I wanted."

Spock's cheeks went green. "I remember."

"But there was one thing that I just can't forget." Jim took another step forward, his gaze snapping up to meet Spock's.

"And that was?"

"You said that I had not _yet fully _acquired _you_." Jim stated grinning a little. "Correct me if I'm wrong Mr Spock, but using the words 'yet fully' mean that I have in fact acquired you to some point."

Spock took his first step back, away from the captain. "You... miss understood-"

"No Spock, we both know that my logic just so happens to be sound."

Another step back, and suddenly Spock was backed up against the wall. He blinked, trying to think of what to say, but for once logic had flown from his mind completely.

"Nothing to say? No logical nonsense swirling around your head?" Jim laughed taking one last step so he was pushed up against his first officer, and noting in the back of his head that this had to be going well. The Vulcan was much stronger than him, and yet he hadn't made any move to push his captain away. "Now you know how I feel every time you stand too close. Every time you say something somewhat flirtatious. Heck ever time you frikken _look _at me. Like all of the logic that had been inside of your head just spilled out the sides. Am I right?" Spock said nothing, and Jim pressed himself even closer. "Am I right?"

His voice was so demanding that Spock had to nod. Had to follow his Captain's orders. It was in his nature as first officer of a star ship.

Jim's smile was blinding as he tilted his head upwards, Spock was taller than him after all. Jim watched as Spock's eye lids fluttered in satisfaction, but he was upset by the stiffness in the man's body. "Can you find any logic for me not to kiss you Mr Spock?" He whispered, not wanting to take advantage of a man that was just simply not ready.

Spock's body stiffened further, and Jim began to back away quickly staring downwards in embarrassment, when Spock's hands clamped down hard on his biceps holding him in place. Gasping slightly Jim's eyes snapped back up to meet Spock's. "I have only one reason why you should not kiss me Jim." Jim tried to pull away again, but the Vulcan was much stronger. "Because I wish to be the one to kiss you."

And suddenly Spock was spinning them around so Jim was the one pressed up against the wall, and Spock was towering over him. Jim never felt shorter then when he was staring up into Spock's dark gaze, but he didn't get the chance to contemplate for long, because in the next second Spock was pressing the most gentle, and hesitant first kiss Jim had ever received on his lips.

Jim pressed his lips back tenderly, not wanting to break such a sweet moment. Spock pulled away, his eyes, so very much like a child's, searched Jim's, and it was only then that Jim had the nerve to lunge forward and engage his first officer in a heated kiss. Seemingly much more confident, Spock responded.

It was much later that Jim and Spock were lying in Spock's bed. No they weren't having sex, nor were they unclothed, it was still technically the start of their relationship after all. But I can admit that Spock was lying on top of Jim, and they were both still kissing like crazy. And Jim might have been getting_ a little_excited. But hell, Spock was frigging _purring_ for god's sake.

It wasn't until Jim pushed his hand up and under Spock's uniform that Spock pulled back. "Cap-Jim. I do not think it is wise to go so quickly so soon-"

Jim reddened. "Right. Sorry. I didn't mean-"

Spock chuckled, an almost strange sound that sent warmth through Jim's stuttering heart. "It is not that I do not wish to T'hy'la. It is that I believe it would be more, as the humans say 'romantic' if you allow me to court you further first."

"Court me? Spock no one says 'court me' any-"

Shutting up his captain now was easy, all it took was a gentle caress of his lips on Jim's and the man went completely speechless. "None the less, I shall not be one of your flings Jim."

Still slightly speechless Jim blinked. "That sounds fine with me."

Spock's lips twitched once again. He rolled off of his Captain and onto his bed. Jim figured the Vulcan would ask him politely to leave him for the night so you can imagine his shock when Spock gathered Jim into his arms, tucking his head safely under his chin. Jim's hand immediately fell against the Vulcan's side where he was amazed to feel the _thump-thump_ of his heart.

They layed there in contented silence for a long time, Jim's breathing slowing, his eyes fluttering shut as the warmth of Spock made him sleepy. It wasn't until he just about fell asleep for him to remember. "You called me something..." He trailed off, yawning slightly.

"Did I?"

"Mmm, something like thyler or sum-min."

The slight shaking Jim felt was the only sign that Spock was actually laughing as no laughter could actually be heard. "T'hy'la, Jim."

"Yeah that. What's it mean?" Jim forced his eyes open so he could meet Spock's gaze, slightly surprised to find the usually hard chocolate to be soft and gentle. Melted.

"T'hy'la has a few different meanings. It is most commonly used on my planet as Friend, Brother, and Lover."

Jim grinned, bumping his nose against Spock's. "Soul mate right?"

If possible, Spock's eyes softened even further. "Affirmative."

"So I'm your T'hy'la, does that make you mine?"

"If that is what you wish."

"Mmm," Jim sighed snuggling himself back into Spock's arms. "Sounds fine to me."

Unknown to Jim, Spock smiled. "Goodnight, my t'hy'la."

And so it was like that, feeling safe in Spock's arms, and proud of himself for breaking the brick wall that hid all of the man's emotions, that Jim Kirk fell asleep. He didn't regret the lost chance of sex. After all they had their entire lives to live out with each other. And believe me when I say that James T. Kirk never had to ask himself _why won't he kiss me_ again.


End file.
